The preciousness of a young boys eyes. Looking up as they seek your response, your love, your acceptance. I love you mommy. Kisses, laughter, snuggles all signs that we are doing ok. How could such adoration exist without love first demonstrating itself to them. I’m doing ok.
Self doubt is a mother’s constant companion and even for the most self assured mom, who would never admit they weren’t perfect, the doubts surface at times.
Later on, when those sweet boys begin to grow and separate, as they must do, longing looks turn to others’ eyes. I am left watching them walk away, waiting for a glance backwards and one more glimps of those sweet eyes. It is enough to make one wonder why we do what we moms do. So much sacrifice. So much exhaustion. So much emptiness when they grow up and get a life. Every moment worth it all. I remember those eyes, looking up at me, I remember those wrinkled noses and giggles. I remember their total need of me and my overwhelming love for each one. Always and still. The love remains. The contact scarcer… the love remains…the memories begin to fade a bit…the love remains…the love remains.
I was moved by your reflections which are oh so true. It is so different , raising boys to men. With daughters, as they grow to adulthood, the need for mom doesn’t seem to lessen. With sons, as you said, the contact is scarcer, and it is quite an adjustment we moms have to make. Of course, it is what we desire for them, the finding of their mate and the building of their lives and families, but with it comes the awareness, that they do turn their eyes elsewhere for those things we once provided, comfort, reassurance, love. It is bittersweet.